Detering JDs

This morning as I drank my morning coffee I perused some of my preious posts. Istumbled upon a piece called, "Path to Salvation". It was a piece I wrote about the Jehovah's Witnesses that persist in coming to my door every couple of months. I believe they are about due for another visit, especially since the nice weather is returning.

So, in anticipation of their next visit, the topic for today was:

Ways to Deter the JDs:

1. Answer the door naked: I'm altogether sure if this will be effective...it might just make them horny.

2. Fake being a non-English speaking foreigner...or better yet invent an alien tongue.

3. Simply don't answer the door...but I think they will just come back another time.

4. Fake being Deaf. This will be an excellent course of action if they don't have anyone in their congregation that knows sign language. If they do then I'm screwed because they will return with that person.

5. Fake being retarded. For some reason retardation causes a lot of discomfort for people, so this might keep them away.

6. Don't let them leave. Make them stay all day but dont offer them anything to eat or drink. It wil be a very long day, but next time they think about stopping by your home they will remember how long they were here last time and probably pass.

7. Answer the door yielding a butcher knife and a strange look. Scare tactic.

8. Swat non-existent flies and babble jibberish.

9. Meow in repsonse to all of their questions but if anyone else speaks to you it is ok to speak English. Just a touch of strange behavior does wonders in detering future interactions.

10. Stand at the door and bark like a dog...a vicious dog.

11. Tell them they can stay and talk as long as they help with the housework...after all, they are chewing up valuable time that you should be doing other things.

12. Tell them they can stay and talk but they have to help dig these holes...as many holes as there are them...and you should make it obvious that you are counting how many of them there are. Tell them that the holes nees to be approximtely 6' deep, 7' long and 3'wide.

13. Ask them for their addresses so you can visit them at their homes try to enlighten them about your faith - Satanism, Wickery, Nymphomanism...some good choices

14. Just join JD. Sometimes I think the only way to deter their future return is to join them. If you can't beat them, join them. I will go door to door with them and say and behave embarrassingly so that they will pray to be released from my company.

That's what I came up with in 30 Minutes on the Machine (which by the way seems to be paying off).