Pee Pee

Last night we went out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just a chain restaurant.

While we waited for our meals to arrive I decided to give Colin a fresh diaper.

Brandon needed to go to the bathroom too so he followed us to the Ladies Room.

When we got into the ladies room it appeared that one of two stalls was occupied (it turns out that both stalls were empty). I noticed there was a generous counter space between the two sinks, so, I sent Brandon into the empty stall and proceeded to wipe down the counter. All the while Colin was pointing at the stall yelling, "Peeepee, peeeeee peee."

I know you know where this is going...but just let me put it down for posterity.

I balanced Colin's squirming body on my hip and ignored his cries, thinking that he just wanted to go where Brandon went.

Finally I stood Colin up on the counter. I took off his shoes and tugged down his pants. I unsnapped his Onesie and pulled down his Pull-up diaper. All the while he was crying, "Peee Peee....Peeeeee Pee". Only when his bottom was naked did he stop his squirming and wailing. He looked down and his chajee (korean word for penis) amused, looked up at me and said, in a sweet, calm voice, "pee pee" and began to squirt a thin stream of urine on the counter.

In shock I gasped, "Huh!"

He instantly stopped the flow, looked up at my face and laughed gleefully at his accomplishment.

I grabbed his old diaper and held it up to his chajee and said, "you need to go more pee?" He reached down and knocked my hand away, dropping the diaper to the floor.

At this point Brandon emerged from the stall and pointed at Colin, laughing hysterically and said, "Coli...Did u do pee pee?!" Yay Coli!" I said, "Brandon. Don't encourage him to pee on the counter! Wash your hands...use soap."

I fumbled with the new diaper, trying to decide whether to 1) scoop him up and run to the open stall, 2) try to pull on the Pull-up before he pee'd again, or 3) lean him over the sink and let him pee in there (noone else was in the bathroom at the time).

I took too long to decide what to do.

Colin stood up straight, picked up his onesie and let a thick, long, arching stream of urine loose - all the while laughing merrily at what fun peeing turned out to be.

I put my cupped hand out to catch the urine but it overflowed and spilled through my fingers. So I reached over and tried to yank off a long stream of paper towels. The towel dispenser turned out to be one of those automatic sensory deals that only spits out one sheet at a time and takes a second to gear up for the next reading....So, I couldn't get the mass of paper towels that I was hoping for. In reaching over to get the paper towels, urine sprayed onto my arm. When I tried to re-position myself, urine sprayed onto my shirt and pants.

Of course, now women were piling into the bathroom. Now I was really in an embarressing position.

First of all, I was the stupid lady that changes her kid on the bathroom counter instead of in the changing station. Secondly, I know they were thinking, "She deserves to get pee'd on". And thirdly, now the ladies have to wash up on a urine soaked sink."

In the end, Colin had created a large puddle of urine on the floor and he had dropped his Onesie so it was wet with urine. He was dancing in the palmful of urine I had released on the counter-top so now his socks were soaked as well. Brandon was laughing hysterically and praising Colin for doing pee pee...and I was covered in it.

Ladies were glaring at me in disgust.

I hastened to clean up the mess (making sure the ladies saw that I was using plenty of soap and water and drying the areas thoroughly) while apologizing profusly and telling them that the stalls were both occupied when we first came in.

I gathered up my boys, and emerged from the bathroom wet, sweaty and red.

As soon as we returned to our table, Brandon announced to everyone, very clearly and very loudly, "Colin pee'd all over the bathroom and all over Mommy!" and Colin proclaimed proudly, "Pee Pee! Pee Pee!"

I looked at Dan and said, "We need to stop by Babies R Us on the way home and buy a potty seat. Did they bring my wine yet?"