Knights of Reynard Lane

Early this week I cut my hand - pretty badly. I was replacing some tiles in the guest bathroom - trying to break a small tile in half, when the tile slipped and gauged my left hand. Blood came gushing out. Knowing my propensity for passing out and hyperventilating, I immediately averted my eyes, grabbed the nearest towel and called Dan at the club. Luckily he had already retrieved the kids so he jumped into the minivan and dashed home.

It felt like forever when the four of them finally rushed into the house. Worried - "Mommy, are you ok? Oooh, it must hurt. I hope you feel better soon." Plenty of gentle hugs, kisses and deep looks of concern followed.

It turned out that I dug in pretty deep, just cutting the tendon that works all your fingers. The doctor said if I went any deeper I would probably have had some serious problems. Anyways, 9 stitches and 4 days later, I am back to riding, playing the piano and wall papering the guest bath - a glutton for punishment.

So, I guess the thing is, I think I 'm a good mother. But, I do often question how well I am doing. Sometimes I wonder, in 20 years what will my boys say I did to "screw them up". I guess only time will tell. But, in this small incident I find comfort that I am doing ok. In that moment, the boys - usually very much self-absorbed, as children are and should be - stopped asking for stuff and bickering with each other. They were, for a little while, caring, gentle, reassuring little men - 3 knights in feetie pajama.

And then, of course, there is Dan. Always my knight in shining armor. Yes, he did what any husband would do. But, this is a reminder to me how much I need him. I tend to act like I don't really need anyone for anything - I can get things done on my own. I like to think that I am strong and independent. But, the truth is, Dan is my strength. He makes me feel calm and safe. He takes care of my needs in a quiet, gentle way. Most of the time all I need is to look in his face and I feel better. But every once in a while I need someone strong enough to carry me without grunting. I love you Dan.

Ok. I know. I'm such a sap - so melodramatic. But, these are the poetic moments in my simple, stay-at-home life.