At this moment I am really wanting to sleep.

Sleep is always a challenge for me. It usually takes me forever to fall asleep and then when I do fall asleep I am usually interrupted by someone or something.

This evening sleep found me very quickly - but as does often occur, I was woken by one of my children wanting to sleep with me - this time Brandon.

I don't mind so much when Brand wants to sleep with me. He is so little and cute and doesn't take up too much room and doesn't move around too much - but he does have pointy elbows. Now my restless legs have kicked in...a terrible affliction - really...not life threatening but horribly inconvenient and aggravating...so I decided to get up and do something.

Usually I would take a drink or small snack and walk around a bit - but I have to take a fasting blood test tomorrow so food is out of the question...so here I am.

So I logged onto the computer and found one of my favorite Blog friends G has been visiting with me. I guess he watched a movie that got him thinking about life and worried about having wasted his.

This is something I think about a lot too. I think that is really why I keep this Blog...as a way of investigating what it is that I really want to accomplish in life...or what it is that I do/have accomplished in my life. I often wonder how/ if I am making a mark on this world. I'd like to make some sort of mark, even if it is only a little tiny black scuff.

The thing is, I think life never really turns out the way one expects. It seems everyone starts out in life thinking that they are going to be someone historic...do something amazing...but in the end it seems that life always gets in the way.

Life always seems to get in the way...in the way of fun, romance, accomplishments...the business of life is...well business...business before pleasure, right?

I always said I would never be one of those women who lives through their children...I'm not sure that I am totally one of those women...but I am to a great degree. After all, taking care of my children is what I do pretty much all day, every day. It is my "job" to coach them in reaching their goals, remove as many obstacles from their path as I can and boost them over any hurdle they may encounter. So, I take enormous pleasure and a little bit of credit when I see them blossoming into little men and puff up with great pride with each accomplishment.

So, I often wonder...am I wasting my own life by wanting to encourage the lives that sprang from within me? Perhaps.

But there are only so many hours in a day, a week, a life. If I spend too many hours working on myself, will there be time to work on my children? They are my life. So maybe working on them is equivalent to working on myself.

It suddenly occurs to me that maybe I am not so much living my life through my children but reallocating the dollars of my life into a more viable business. But does that mean I feel that my life - my fruitful life, has pretty much run dry?

Not sure...I don't think I'm dried up...flabby but not dried up.

My eyes feel heavy again. I will try to sleep again. Maybe I will have a nice juicy dream....