Claustrophobia

I can't believe I haven't gotten my period yet.

I really need to get it. I am being such a lunatic!

But if I don't get it for like another week then I will still be skinny when I go to Miami. If I get it now, I will be PMSing.

But when was my last period? I really can't remember. I shouldn't have stopped keeping track. I just didn't think I would ever think I was...I'm not gonna think it. It's absolutely impossible. Things just don't happen to me by accidident.

Darn. When was my last period?!

Let's see. I finished my period the day we got to Disney World...that was a Friday...April...oops, no...March 3. I'm sure I had a period since then...let's see...Did I have my period when I went to the doctor? I think I did. I remember telling the nurse I just finished...oh...That was the same period in March.

Shit...shit...shit. When was my last period?!

I don't feel different. Just really crazy...but that's not unheard of...but I do feel really, Really crazy...but we did just wrap up school vacation week. Gawd, I've been so exhausted lately...I mean more exhausted than usual...but maybe that's because they increased the dosage on the Mirapex. But why did the restless legs kick in again? The Mirapex has been working great up until a couple months ago. The restless legs always started before I even knew for sure I was pregnant. It never went away the third time...maybe the hormones are so powerful that the dosage on the Mirapex wasn't strong enough anymore. I am not pregnant.

Last week I baked cookies...that's weird. I never bake...maybe I'm nesting...naw. I just felt like being a "good" mommy...and I felt like Tollhouse cookies...was that a craving? I don't like sweet stuff...

Oh, I think I had my period the last time I volunteered in the classroom...and that was...March 27. Did I have my period? I can't remember. I think I did. I hope I did. That would be just perfect because then I will still be skinny when I go to Miami in a few weeks.

Hopefully I'll get it at the end of the week. What if I don't...that would be horrible. I'm horrible for thinking that would be horrible. I just don't think I could do another baby. I don't think I could be pregnant again. I can't go through all that baby stuff again. I am so burned out with it.

I should have sent Dan to get the ol' snip job. I'm gonna send him to get it. I can't be pregnant again. I'm sure that would just put me right over the edge...another baby...and I'm sure it would be another boy...but I guess if we had another baby I would want another boy...or maybe a girl. But what would we do with a girl? That would be weird. My whole life has been about little boys. I like being the mother of all boys. We'de have to come up with a "D" name...Danielle, Denise, Dianne...Dustin, Devon, Derek...

It doesn't matter. I'm not pregnant. I'm not even late...I don't think...but the psychic said I was going to have another baby. That was 2 years ago. She said probably some time in the next two years. She was so positive - without a doubt...she said I am definatly going to have another baby. I thought she was totally off the loop...but she's said other things that seemed way off base and they've all come true.

I really hope I'm not pregnant. I've always thought that surprise babies were romantic..."Love Children". You know, not planned...a product of a truly loving moment. But it wouldn't feel very romantic...at least not now...maybe a few years ago when I was still in baby mode. But now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm almost there. I don't think I can stay in this tunnel anymore. I feel claustrophobic in here.

Oh no...I've been smoking and drinking a lot lately...that's harmful to the fetus...what if I'm pregnant...I hope the baby doesn't get sick from it...but I'm not pregnant...anyways....isn't that how some women get pregnant??...getting drunk and then having crazy, awesome sex?

Speaking of sex. I can't be pregant. We hardly ever even have sex...But those little guys obviously know their way - I always got pregnant first try. Maybe one slipped through security. If that's the case then I guess this baby is really determined to be...

I'm not pregnant. I can't be pregnant. I Will get my period at the end of the week...