Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time I was young and gorgeous and sexy. It was a time when guys followed me in herds and competed to gain my attention. But I didn't care about the herds. I loved one guy and he loved me.

Once upon a time he couldn't take his eyes off of me. He thought I was the most amazing woman on earth. Now when he looks at me it feel like he's looking past me. He seems to be focused on something else..........

Once upon a time I caught him looking at me and I knew that he was thinking how amazingly beautiful and perfectly perfect and wonderful he thought I was. Now it's rare to catch him looking. But when I do I wonder, "What is he thinking about...is he thinking how out of shape I've gotten...or maybe he's worried about money. Is he thinking about how messy the house is...or is he just trying to shut it all out."

Once upon a time he thought I was intelligent and cultured and funny. I don't remember what we talked about but our conversations were great. We could talk forever. Now our coversations revolve around children, the house or finances...and then there are those tension filled stretches of silence when we are too irritable to say anything.

Once upon a time he was proud of my talents - I was an accomplished pianist, a budding artist, an exciting dancer. Now I wash dirty dishes, dirty laundry and dirty little bottoms. I wash fingerprints off just cleaned floors and footprints off the walls. I am very good at washing - but he doesn't notice.

Once upon a time he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Even the slightest touch sent delicious waves of excitement through my body. We spent days rolling around in bed and nights grinding to heavy beats at clubs. Now we sleep next to each other and try not to touch. We spend days pursuing other people's dreams and nights too tired to do anything.

Once upon a time he would spend his time desiring me, whooing me and making plans for how to capture me. Now he spends time figuring out how to pay for me.

Once upon a time he made me swoon. My mind was consumed with thoughts of him. My heart overflowed with adoration for him. My step was so light it was like walking on air. Now my mind is racing with time - trying to keep track of it all. My heart?...it beats...HARD...from anxiety and stress. And my shoes - they feel like lead. I'm exhausted by hectic schedules, demanding children and especially by the mundane boringness of my days.

The thing is...Life gets in the way. It gets in the way of doing what we really want to do, feeling how we really should feel and seeing what we really ought to see. The business of everyday has a way of jading us - desensitizing us to nuances that once evoked powerful responses - smells, sensations, tastes, sounds...fine, delectable details...

So...He brings home the bacon and helps clear the mess. He run errands for me and takes the kids from the house. He's thoughtful, generous and dependable...solid, strong, and willing. He's truly the best husband ever. But...

I miss the guy that made me swoon and I wonder if he misses me.

Dan, want to run away? Maybe for a day...we can just lay around in bed. I'll nuzzle my face in the soft, golden hairs on your chest...and inhale....inhale...inhale...Mmmmm.

Roses smell good...but you smell better.