Home Sweet Insane Home

As anticipated, Disney World was not the "happiest place on Earth". I now refer to it as "Disney Hell". At one point, I actually stopped and said, "I feel like I'm in hell". I thought I said it low, but apparently not. Dan says that everyone stopped and looked at me. I don't think people were looking at me in shock. I think everyone was thinking the same thing and just wanted to know who actually said it.

I suppose it wouldn't have been so awful if we had just Alex and Brandon to deal with. But Colin really put me over the top. He is at that frightful age when kids are lightening fast and small enough to maneuver into little places that are large obstacles for grown-ups. He is at that fearless age when, with the devil in their eyes, they run heedlessly into dangerous situations and laugh at us when we scold them. He is at that terrible age when exhaustion comes on quick and heavy and sleep only follows long bought of crying.

I finally ended up buying a doggie leash and hooking it to the belt loop on his pants. It's a nice looking leash though - Disney leash that cost way too much money.

That was the 5th day of our "vacation". That night, while Dan was putting the kids to bed, I went down to the resort convenience store to get some milk and water. After purchasing the items I decided to duck into the bar and have a cocktail. My nerves were shattered and a Cosmopolitan was just the right kind of glue to put the pieces back in place. When I finished my Cosmo, I didn't feel quite ready to head back to Chaos, Confusion and Calamity, so I had myself another. During my second drink I began talking to some people and began to feel good and relaxed. I was finally having a good time. So, when I finished my second Cosmopolitan, despite my usually better judgment, I accepted another Cosmo from my new friend. By now I was quite tipsy but I didn't give a shit - This was the lousiest vacation I had ever been on and this was the best I'd felt and was likely to feel for the rest of the week. So, when I finished my 3rd Cosmopolitan and we were not quite finished talking, I had myself another. Four Cosmopolitans later I had had enough and was ready to jump back into the throat of hell.

Unfortunately, I was not walking quite straight anymore. Yup. I was SHIT FACED! Beyond any kind of drunk I had ever been...Even counting the college days. On the way back to my room, as I swayed waiting for the elevator, I fell. I'm pretty sure I fell straight backwards, like a stiff board. Luckily a nice young couple happened to be walking by at that moment and helped me back to my room because I think I would have passed out right there until morning. I was...Am...So Horrified that I got so wasted. I didn't mean to get drunk. I just wanted to feel relaxed. But. Disney World drove me to drink. That's right - I'm a Disney Drunk. I now feel sure that under all those happy Disney costumes are a bunch of alcoholics who, after the fireworks finish at the close of the parks, meet up at Dizzynee World.

Anyways, I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover EVER, a giant knob on the back of my head, whiplash (I think I hurt my neck during my fall) and a skinned elbow. I don't think I will ever drink another Cosmopolitan for the rest of my life.

But, I have to say, even though this "vacation" was an exhausting, stressful and chaotic experience. There were "magical" moments (this is where some of you may start getting bored with all the normal details of the family vacation - so feel free to stop reading).

As you know, the boys had no idea we were going to Disney World. They were so much convinced that they were not going to Disney World that even when the bus driver announced that he was taking us to Disney World, they sadly said, "Yeah, but we're not going there until Colin is four". Even after we told them we were taking them to Disney World, they sat there in disbelief for quite a while - "Are you joking me...Are we really going there..." Actually, the moment of revelation was a bit of a downer. I expected them to be hysterical with joy and excitement - but they were just dumbfounded with bewilderment.

The first night we were there, despite the exhaustion of the plane ride (during which Colin climbed all over us, wiggled away from us to run up an down the aisles and cried mercilessly while Alex and Brandon fought over everything), we went out to dinner at the Polynesian and watched the Polynesian show which included hula and tribal dancer in awesome, fancy, colorful costumes and of course, the fire twirlers. The boys LOVED it!! And it was fun to watch them mimicking from the sidelines what they saw on stage. They also went on stage to participate in a hula lesson - even Colin.

The second day we went to breakfast with the characters. Alex and Brandon were so psyched to meet them (but they wanted to know why they didn't talk - I said they had to save their voices for TV). It is so magical how kids really believe. We spent the remainder of the day chasing Colin around the pool, keeping Alex and Brandon from drowning and playing referee to many fights and arguments.

In the evening we went to Mickey's Backyard BBQ where they had an amazing time doing the hoe-down with Micky, Minnie, Chip, Dale and Goofy. Alex surprised us with his extreme interest in networking with the stars. He had to meet every one and get autographs and pictures with each (this continued throughout the rest of the vacation). Brandon was happy to be with just Goofy. Colin was happy to just run amuck.

On Sunday morning, after breakfast we went to Animal Kingdom. We totally did Animal Kingdom wrong. We started at Dino-Land - which was so lame, and we ended up wasting a lot of valuable time there. But Colin amazed me with his climbing ability in the Dino-Dig. He climbed all the way to the top and then slid all the way down the giant swirly slide. He is fearless - but that can definitely have its cons - as we quickly found out. Oh, one really fun thing we did there (and this was probably one of the few times I really had fun) was the Bugs Life thingy. It's a 3-D movie and it is SO AWESOME! At one point, it looks like one of the bugs is spitting poison straight at you and the theater spits water on you. Colin was so freaked out he screamed!! Hahahahaha. That was the part I found so fun;) Also did the Safari Ride - That was cool and fun. Africa was really cool too.

That evening we went to Downtown Disney for dinner where we had a fabulous dinner at McDonalds. Actually, I have to say , it was the best Big Mac I have ever had! Saw the Lego place and bought toys at the big toy store. Stood in line for 40 minutes for some ice cream at Ghiradelli. The boys rode the merry-go-round. Colin was so cute - he loved it so much and when he is having fun he is soooo cute and just overflowing with fun. The evening was pretty uneventful - which was just fine with me.

Monday - spent some time at pool then went across the way to the Boardwalk. Rented one of those bikes that a bunch of people can sit in and peddle. The boys loved that. That evening I really wanted to eat rice (homesick, I guess - and it is impossible to find asian food at Disney, except in Epcot but you have to buy a park pass to get into Epcot). We went back to the Polynesian and had dinner at the cafe there which was actually a pretty trendy place with good food and awesome sticky rice. Took a walk through the pool area which was really cool and when we got back to the resort I put Colin to bed and Dan took the boys for a walk on the beach and watched Epcot's fireworks (Epcot was right next door to us so we could see and hear the fireworks every night).

Tuesday was that awful day at Magic Kingdom...And the embarrassing events that followed.
(Cute story about Alex - Alex and I went on the Haunted Manion Ride together. At the beginning everyone stands in a room while a voice speaks over head and then the walls start rising up. Alex got so freaked out when the walls started moving, - he yelled out, "Aghhh! The walls are moving!!" and everyone laughed. He really thinks the mansion is haunted!)

Wednesday - horrible hangover...Refused to go to another theme park so Dan took Alex and Brandon back to Magic Kingdom and I stayed at the resort with Colin. Turned on the TV and layed there with Colin climbing all over me until about 10:00 when I finally felt like I could move a little. Went for a walk. Took a long nap with Colin...Got up to puke...Ordered room service. Felt much better after puking and eating some food. Went for a long walk with Colin into Epcot (which, since it was right next door, I could just walk over instead of having to figure out which bus to take, where to get off and have to listen to Colin cry and wiggle around on my lap because he can't run up and down the aisle). I LOVED Epcot. It was so pretty there and not crowded and no rides. I let Colin walk all over and didn't worry about loosing him. This was a very peaceful and happy stretch of time for me. I will love this memory forever. Colin and me at Epcot. He played the bongo drums with the Africans and marched behind the British soldiers. He sat on the cobblestone steps and watched a Shakespearean play and danced to Scottish bagpipes. Nobody cried, whined, asked me to buy a toy, nobody needed to go to the bathroom and nobody was hungry or too tired to walk. There were no annoying lines to wait in a no horrible bus rides. We met up with Dan and the boys around 6:30 and ordered room service for dinner. Dan went out for beers and sports at the ESPN place across the bridge after dinner. He was hung over the next day...But he didn't fall over on the way back.

Thurs was a bit windy/chilly for swimming so we spent the morning chasing lizards around the pool area. I caught 2 and put them in a bucket for them to torture (not really...They just carried them around). In the evening I took Alex and Brandon to see the Cirque du Soleil show "La Nouba". We were seated way too close (2nd row) - so didn't get the full awesomeness of the effects and choreography. Anyways - boys LOVED it...I enjoyed it very much too - but nothing compared to the "O" show.

Friday we went home. Same old usual plane ride crap.

Saturday I had a great day. The best day of our vacation. I was so happy to be home from Disney Hell. I slept until 7:30. I went for a hack with my friend Katy and even though Cody (my horse) was being a total putz, and I needed to pee so bad I had to get off him, run behind a giant oak tree, squeeze in next to a stone wall and squat over a thorn bush, it was still great. Came home. Took a long nap. Nanny came and took the kids away - got jiggy wid'it and then went to a nice peaceful dinner with Dan. The best day!

Haven't seen Dan in 2 days - he's been working nonstop. The house is a mess and schedule is hectic...But it's a breeze compared to last week!!!

Home Sweet Insane Home!

P.S. For more pics from Disney Hell go to my other BLOG at 360.yahoo.com/leenie71689